Backend.

Something rather different I would like to share today. It is a nice follow up to yesterday’s embodied rationality. I will open the back end of my thinking processes. I’ve been making these for some of the reactions that take me out of balance and keep on coming back at various occasions. So I decided to track the process and observe how particular reaction occurs. Talking of honesty, be aware it is a pretty straightforward sneak peek into my internal blueprint. It is also an example of how I use my bodily awareness to help me position myself within a situation. It is also going to feel detached and pragmatic. I deliberately do it this way, otherwise it would become overly attached to a particular situation.


The example is related to the moments when I share something dear to me and I am not certain about how it will be received. It can be applied to both professional and personal situations. Perhaps, it can be useful for some to use as an example and I bet these stages are not that unique and are experienced by many of you, one way or another.


When I share* I go through several stages (until the resolution):

  1. Discovery.

MC**: Excited.

Building up energies from light to solidifying core strength. Self -> Self

State: Happy, warm, confident, connected

Body: expanding warmth, tickling in my belly, numbness in upper arms.

  1. Building new.

MC: Flowing.

Loosing self-awareness, absorbed by the process. Core strength starts to narrow down. Self -> Selfless

State: creative, inclusive, non-judgemental, open within closed space.

Body: numbness, ability to locate body parts is distorted, forehead heaviness, pain threshold is lower than usual.


  1. Ready to share.

MC: Anticipating.

Transitioning from Self -> Other. Realisation that soon I will be seen. Connected to the discovery and ready to include.

State: a little emptied out, bewildered, self-aware, forgetful, impatient to share,

sensitive.

Body: lightness in arms and legs, light stretchy tension in my belly.


  1. Sharing momentum.

MC: Naked.

Mostly short-lasting, can be impulsive and at times needs ripening.

Transition back from Other -> Self starts.

State: risk taking, daring, excited, rushed

Body: tension in my belly, chest and throat. Heat in forehead and cheeks.


  1. Unbounded anxiety.

MC: Tense.

Entering a gap between knowing and non-knowing. Seeking support and validation. Depending on the content intensity vary. If past experiences play along, this gap can be quite challenging to sit in. The longer it sits the deeper it can go.

State: neurotic, impulsive, difficulties focusing, unpleasant, nervous, dark, anxious,

unsafe, insecure.

Body: strong tension in my chest, numbness in the upper arms, legs and back.


*These stages apply to the individual process. When done in collaboration it doesn’t apply.

**MC: main characteristic

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