Yesterday I witnessed something very special, never seen before. An audacious act of a public confession of one’s personal mistakes. An acknowledgement of regret, weakness and self-deception. Profound personal sacrifice for the sake of a collective convergence. Painful investment into a better future. Without prior awareness i became a part of a self-organising ritual emerging in the moment. The intensity of the gesture spread out beyond personal, filling up the space, affecting everything in its path. Humbleness and realness wiped away the presence of any type of pretence, defensiveness or uninvolvement. Time stoped running, room disappeared, even the awareness of the experience wasn't there any more. All signifiers of relevancy, that normally help with the assessment of a situation, disintegrated. Only pure being within the shared reality of the moment has remained.
I felt fundamentally connected to what was happening, having a crystal clear awareness about the uniqueness of this situation. I could see and I was seen. Contaminated by the intensity of contact, overwhelmed by the power go honesty go this fierce experience. Honesty taken to the extreme, way beyond being radical, is not only a weapon directed at you but it disarms you ruthlessly, taking away all shields and protection mechanisms. Being exposed to such a courageous act unavoidably put me in an existential trap providing no possibility to avoid engaging with it.
Simultaneously beautiful and disturbing moment. The qualities of an experience being beautiful and disturbing go hand in hand. Not for nothing the words awful and awesome share same origin but have opposite meaning. Both of these states point out to the limits to our possibilities. They confront us with our own limitations, powerlessness and insignificance. When awesome is experienced, euphoric flow takes us beyond what we thought we know, opening up the vastness of the mystery we are being part of. But drifting in this intense experience, touching the unknown, fear is always near. Taking too much awesomeness unavoidably turns into awfulness. Fear and wonder rooted in the relationship to the unknown. While wonder we grow with fear we shrink. Without taking the risk you never wonder. List never comes without fear. The more you master the ability to walk with fear the bigger the fear will grow, constantly challenging your limits thus taking care of your growth enabling your agency to wonder. Movement fuelled by opposed energies but unfolding in same space of the unknown.
Every confession is followed by the meeting the dark and undiscovered. Old support structures, systems of believes demolish, leaving an empty void of nothingness. Borderless space waiting to be build from scratch. What will you build now? Use your old blueprints or start take risks and change?