In defence of intensity.

One of the themes that I notice more and more among people I talk to, is realigning with own intensity. There is a lot of rejection, fear and avoidance of being intense. I find it a very interesting tendency as I was also experiencing similar set of emotions. I thought of myself as being intense and developed a fear of it. Until very recently it was affecting my relationship with others and myself. Perhaps, observing me form the side you wouldn't tell that that’s the case, but accepting this quality was quite a step. Intensity. I pick up vocabulary, love doing that, it is one of the first meta moves I make if I want to unfold something. You have to remain alert though, words can take you places, and sometimes those places are misleading. Etymologies are useful tools to open up an investigation. But back to the intensity. Synonyms for this word are strength, power, greatness, potency, force, enthusiasm, spirit, energy, heat.. And it keeps on going in the spirit of force, energy and vigour. Looking at these synonyms, one question pops up - how come intensity is seen as something negative that has to be managed? Something that has to be fixed or suppressed. How did we get there? And who is responsible for this shift? I meet so many beautiful people, with their rich vibrant energy which is being trapped inside. In exchange for what? Belonging? Inclusion? Acceptance? How the intensity of oneself can go against those values? And which kind of intensity are we referring to, in which context, anyways? Is it the touch of someone next to you? An eye contact? An awkward joke? Boiled over coffee, because of the impulsive sharing of something exciting? It is fascinating to me but also sad. I keep on thinking how to turn this tendency around, how to create support for the intensity. Get it out and play with it in the wild. Give it a hug or whatever she wants me to do.


I notice that when dealing with intensity, the focus is just wrong. We are trying to dilute intensity, hide it away, suppress, being afraid of the powers we have. Another option, which is much more appealing is to take responsibility for it, understand it and cherish it. In the end that is what shows as aliveness in our beings. The problem is that we need to cultivate virtues and capacities to ensure that intensity finds its right outlet and is expressed with integrity and care for the other. It is such a beautiful superpower to have but as every super power in the hands of a villain it can turn into a destructive weapon. So, good intentions and strong core are essential. Cultivating inner strength, discernment and virtues is the key to come in right relationship with intensity. Instead of suppressing life, let’s learn how to live it well.


There is so much time spent on internal patching up, fragmented, careless and non-consensual intrusion into oneself, not in order to unfold and support it but to protect external agency from the destabilisation which might occur. Patching is a fix where purpose is concealed from the one who is being subjected to the process. It is always temporary since the understanding of totality is missing. When I think patching I think of the footwear, that causes blisters. If we don't address the shoe it will keep on causing pain no matter how many patches we put on the wound. Perhaps the shoe is just not alright and the foot and the shoe are not a good match. Instead of trying to fix the connection, compromising and trying to fit in, chose another way where our foot will feel cosy and comfy. It will be grateful and take us to nice places.


I am all up for intensity. I love it and not afraid of it. Ready to accommodate as much as I can. Even more so I will make it my goal to create a solution and make it easier to accept. I find it incredibly important to support the process towards acceptance of one’s intensity. Helps us to relax in being and expand the field of expressions in the world around us.

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